i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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