I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
