cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
