Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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