I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
