I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
