A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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