Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
