My nipple is on Facebook.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
