you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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