Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
