see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
