This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
