my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
