Duck Duck Cougar?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Operation Purity has been aborted
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
