I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
