By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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