So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
