I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
