Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We left the knife in your bed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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