she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
