and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
