Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize