im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
