I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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