you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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