your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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