Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
