I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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