im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
