Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
