Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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