He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
