I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
