Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
