I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
