i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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