Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
