put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
