I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
