I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
