A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
