one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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