I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
