So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
