I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
