I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
