NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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