Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
