i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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