Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
