You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
