Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Randomize
