oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I intend to get homeless drunk
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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