So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
