Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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