I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
