somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
