Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I just sharted jello shots
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
