i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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