you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
