I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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