You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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