Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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