Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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