During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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