I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
