if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
