I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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