it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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