im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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