Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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