Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
