Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
