True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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