my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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